Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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