I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
