Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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