I love black thongs
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
