He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.