Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
