smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
