thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Two words: blizzard sex
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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