I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
