My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
