If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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