I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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