I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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