I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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