the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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