you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
