there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
