so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
