and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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