Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
