just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
