i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
