Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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