you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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