having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
