She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
