my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm always down for nudity.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
