well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
