she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
