I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
