this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
