i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
