i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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