if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
