i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just pee around me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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