there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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