Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A bitchslap is in order.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
