I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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