I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
