Where did you get a picture of my penis
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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