This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
