I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
