that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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