Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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