Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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