Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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