I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
