Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
