I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
