Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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