Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
