He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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