I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
