I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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