Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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