so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
