It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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