i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
